There's blood in the water.

I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I could have been right, but who knows? Seriously. Jackals, when was the last time you talked to a mute? Shut up, I'm not talking to you.

I'm vaguely depressed, and I don't know why. Actually, I'm not even sure "depressed" is the right word. What am I looking for? Uh, locally...angry, I suppose. Yeah. hahaha, I'm angry! Murder. This is likely a good reason to not stay up all night. I promised Renee I would get some rest. I don't know if I can keep that promise. Lousy Jetfuel. I think I will; I hate breaking promises.

I need for there to be someone here, and noone is. Hi, noone. You've been here a long time, don't you have anywhere else to go to?

...I'm not satisfied with my life. Ah, I guess nobody is, or at least few enough people to make a difference. I wonder what their secret is. I'm living in a low-rent apartment with a high school buddy who has a superiority complex and who may or may not be delusional. I love my family, but sometimes they really, really scare me. Hey, Dad, what do you think about your son now? What will you think if I marry young and have 12 kids and get a job at Sonic again? Mom? Yo Jon, how can you stand staying down here with us when you could be playing WORLDWIDE?! I have a girlfriend who I am now able to admit is less than perfect, a girl who confuses me sometimes and leaves me with a rapid heartbeat and shivering mind more often than not. I love you, Renee. I still get giddy, and half of the things I think I'll talk to you about, I forget before I get a chance to say them. Mrff. I work at a dead-end job that I rather like, except the new boss has shafted me for ten hours, so I'm not making what I need to make in order to move to Jonesboro as soon as I wanted. I'm never giving up, not ever, but I'm sick of not getting it, whether that means gaining what I want or understanding what I want. Either way, I feel like I lose more often than I win. I'm sick of not being in school, of having friends who keep going forward while I'm running sideways. I hate not having money, I despise not being able to do what I want about it. I really, truly, viciously detest the fact that all I can apparently do about it is whine on some stupid online journal.

Smoking. Drinking. Sex, drugs, rock and roll. These ideas are...close. I could obtain them, make them mine. I'm 21; I can be whoever I want to be. I have no idea if that's a bad thing.

I want to keep certain aspects of my life, and rearrange the rest around me to make a better existance. I can't think of a way to make that a good thing. I can't make it go away.

Eh. Accomplish what I will, there will always be a smoky layer of self-hate there. I wonder when I'll stop dealing with it.

I promised.