(no subject)

So my comfort level with friendship is too far. Far, at least; I admit that. My housemate is an angry little jerk who has many annoying qualities. We despise each other, so we can happily insult and rant at each other, mean every word, and still comfortably share an apartment. My best friend lives an hour away and does so many things he no longer has time to spend with me. I've seperated from my family by moving away, dropping out of church and out of school. I work two jobs and sleep and zone out on the computer so I don't have to deal with people. None of that really hurts me.

What hurts me is when I TRY to reach out, I TRY to make closer friends or involve myself in some silly little game or group. Invariably, I withdraw! Almost always I back off, go back to my isolated world. I can't handle close relationships, and I don't quite know why. It's gotta be some psychological thing, and I've tried getting past it, but I can't.

I can't afford a shrink, and I don't trust anyone I know to help me, so I guess I may as well stay in my world of distant companionship. *acid*

(no subject)

*murders something*